Unspeakable

I stand alone in the dawn on a field of rolling hills with flowers and bugs and cold and I wish it could have stayed like this forever instead of fifteen minutes, but soon the sun will be up and everything will be painfully clear and I'll run and run and try to improve the time but I'll only end up exhausted and worn out and waiting for another night to fall so I can see clearly the fox who skirts the edges of my life with a smirk, seeing nothing but my failures and inadequacies, my sins and ignorances, my attacks and betrayals. To him there is no me, there is only what is wrong with me, and his eyes look more and more like mine every time I see him. I wonder how long it'll be before the sun goes behind the clouds forever and the eternal dusk will set in; the world lingering on the edge of blackness, flirting with the dark and toying with the sentiments of all those who fear to walk in the night. I stand alone in the dawn on a field that isn't here, looking out at the hills that don't exist and wishing with every ounce of my being that this world will emerge from the flickering candle and replace the one I don't want, because in all truth there never was a dawn, and there never will be.