"Home."
How was Mexico?
Are you glad to be home?
Do you miss Mexico?
What's different between Mexico and the United States?
What did you learn while you were there?
Are you experiencing reverse culture shock?
I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I. Don't. Know.
"You've changed in ways that nobody can expect or understand, and your friends are more interested in their breakfast than in hearing about it." Clare is an absolute Godsend in this house. Not only does she show concern for me, listen to me, and understand me better than I do myself: she does it all while having a British accent.
I'm not sure whether I want my friends to be more interested in my stories than their breakfast. The fact is, I don't know what to stay. I'm sure I have a story to tell, but I don't have the words to tell it, or the patience to look for them. I don't really understand what I'm feeling. I don't know if I miss Mexico or if I'm glad to be back. I've been pushing myself beyond my limits, doing everything I possibly can for fear of wasting my time... or maybe for fear of stopping to reflect and realizing how unhappy I am.
What I'm really dreading, though, is going back to Manchester. I've always been ready to go back to school at the end of a summer... even in high school, which as some know was a pretty bad time for me. But now, I don't want to go back. I don't want to be there, at all. I don't want to see all the people I left behind. And honestly, I would not be going back if it weren't for this scholarship... I feel like I'm obligated now. Like I would be an awful person if I left Manchester now, even if I worked to pay back the money.
What is all this? I don't know. I'm not liking it.
3 comments:
Hey kid, I hope you start feeling better, or whatever it is that you need to feel or not. I might be on the other side of the world, but you can always talk to me--send me a msg or something, I'll listen, give feedback if ya want it. whatever. the best thing right now is to just find what you need.
You know what always works. Discussing the world with old chaps over a pint and unpaid for deep fried potato rectangles.
Let me know when you're back up NoManch way.
miss you already Nick. I'm leaving in 10 days for my border studies program and feel I may have some of the same questions asked of me when I return. I'm sure we'll have plenty to discuss when I come back to Indiana. Hope things are going well in our house :)
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