The beauty of e-mail threads

As a student at Manchester, I often compared our school to Earlham.  Usually unfavorably.  As a member of the Earlham community, that has been reversed.  In sharing conversation with a fellow former-Manchesterian here at Earlham, we determined that in the peace-oriented liberal arts college family, Manchester is the hard-working blue collar guy who may not be the smartest person in the room, but he means well and can usually make you smile.  Earlham is the crazy alcoholic uncle who has genius-level IQ, was at Woodstock but doesn't remember it, and probably has several undiagnosed mental disorders.

You may be familiar with the universal phenomenon of unintentionally funny office e-mail threads.  Earlham definitely has its fair share--especially on the faculty list.  Many of them might land me in an uncomfortable meeting if I shared them.  But here are some moments from today:

From: Douglas C. Bennet [President]
To: Faculty, Staff, Students.
Subject: snow


Feel a chill in the air?  I did, and I'm sure a snowstorm is on its way that will will effectively close the college by early afternoon. 

With all the august powers invested in the Earlham Presidency, I'm declaring today a snow day effective at 2 p.m. 

Sometimes we see weather in these parts that gives us snow north of I-70, and no snow south of I-70.  My sophisticated forecasting apparatus tells me the snow line will be a little south of I-70, running just about at the latitude of Runyan Circle and U.  North of that line:  lots of snow -- lots and lots.  South of that, none at all, probably sunny and breezy, just the sort of day you'd like to play or watch a soccer game.  Go figure this goofy weather.  May as well enjoy it. 

Of course Earlham being Earlham, you'll want to check with your instructor.  S/he may insist on holding class or lab this afternoon, the heavy snow withstanding.  For the rest of you, dress warmly if you think you'll be outside.  I'm planning on establishing a temporary site for the President's Office right near Matlack Field, just to be sure I'm below the snow. 

--
Douglas C. Bennett
President, Earlham College

"Reputation is an idle and most false imposition; got without merit and lost without deserving." --John Wooden



From: Frank
To: Faculty, Staff, Students
Subject: A Note From EC Women's Soccer

I've been asked to forward this note from the Women's Soccer Team...particularly those of you who will "battle the elements" and be at Matlack Field at 2pm today!
---------------------

Earlham Fans,

First and foremost we all want to thank you for your undying support and endless enthusiasm.  It is incredible to know that every time we go out to play a game we have the most dedicated crowd.  It has been a tradition over the years that Quaker Army is composed of the best fans like you all, which stand by us and support us.  Thank you for being an energetic part of the Earlham Community.  “FIGHT FIGHT INNER LIGHT”

While your support is appreciated and advantageous it has come to our attention there are times that small pockets of our support turn from innocent cheering to badgering of opponents.  This type of support, while infrequent, is not something we want to be known for.  As a proud Quaker school, grounded in Quaker beliefs and practices we encourage our fans to be clever, witty, memorable and entertaining. Support us with your energy.

Please be mindful of your comments directed at our opponents.  Please don’t call out players by their name. Personal attacks commenting on race, ethnicity, physical attributes and family life are not appropriate.  We love to play this game because of fans like you and we want to continue having fans that encourage even more people to come out and watch the game.  In order to do that, everyone needs to feel comfortable on the bleachers and along the fence. 

We love each and every one of you and thanks for coming out to support Earlham Athletics. “KILL QUAKERS KILL”

Earlham Women’s Soccer Team 2010

From: Richard

To: Staff

Subject: Soccer game--NOT an official snow day

Friends, colleagues and soccer fans,

In talking to Doug, he has indicated that it was not his intention to have the College shut down at 2 p.m. under the inclement weather policy.  We would all like to encourage faculty, staff, students and friends feel free to attend the Women's Soccer Playoff Game that starts at 2 p.m. on Matlack Field.  Supervisors and conveners are encouraged to allow people to attend the game.  No one is released from their duties for the afternoon.

Thanks for your understanding and attendance at the game.  Go Quake!

Richard

Of course it's all irrelevant to me, since my department will operate even in the end of times!  Well, those of us who aren't worthy of rapture, anyway.