This is how *I* cook

Working at a college the day after graduation can be a lucrative business.  The pre-graduation takings are so-so, because pre-graduation is when all the people move out according to plan.  What they want, they keep, and what they don't, they arrange to get rid of well in advance.

After graduation, though, you get the stuff people intended to keep but ended up not having room for.  Books, paintings, art supplies, nerf guns, pottery, a cutting board, a stein, even a fully working external DVD-RW drive made it into my possession recently.  But tonight the find I'm most proud of is a lantern.

This lantern.

I found it dumped in a (stolen) shopping cart outside the (locked) building that contained the "free stuff" box.  A cool looking piece of camping equipment, with one issue.

It's broken.

The lantern is missing whatever control device (knob, switch) used to turn it on.  But I figured with my extensive knowledge of electricity (I took AP physics in the eleventh grade), surely I could rehabilitate the device.

I did the obvious: I stripped away the insulation and connected those two wires.

Like this.

But, nothing happened.  But that didn't necessarily mean my strategy was flawed; perhaps the issue was elsewhere.  Dead batteries, perhaps?  So I unscrewed the bottom to look at what I was dealing with.

D cell.  Nuts.

I don't have any D batteries on hand, and I didn't feel like a trip to the store at night, right before a road trip, just to finish a project that was distracting me from the more pressing issue of "get things clean before the road trip."  But all was not lost, because this lantern has an alternate power source:

DC-in!

Of course, I didn't scavenge the thing with an AC/DC adapter, but having examined all of the ones I have earlier today in an unrelated project, I knew that most of the ones of that size have 12V outputs.  Since I didn't pay anything for the lantern, I decided to risk it, and plugged in the power source for one of my external hard drives.

 Victory!

So if I securely fasten the wires together, I can turn the lantern on and off by installing and removing charged batteries.

Next step: wire in a switch, and it will be good as new.

Nico: 1.

Throw-away culture: 0.

Exchanges with a scam artist, part nine

From: Nico
To: Elton Lee
Subject: Re: Hello Nico (Your Response)

Very well.  I don't have a fax number, but the rest of my contact information is:


935 Pennsylvania Avenue, NW
Washington, D.C. 20535
United States
+1 202 324 3000


Please reciprocate with more information to confirm your identity.


(The address and phone number I gave him are for FBI Headquarters.  This might be the end of our fun with Elton Lee.)

Exchanges with a scam artist, part eight

From: Elton Lee
To: Nico
Subject: Re: Hello Nico (Your Response)


Dear Nico,

Thanks for your timely response, i got your email alert on my phone and had to wake to my computer room to reply you. You can trust in me and i promise you will never regret your involvement in this transaction. I will not want to see you in person till I can at least build some trust as to whom really I am dealing with.

It might interest you to know that I can get into a very big trouble of you decide to turn your back against me, so I have to be really very careful. Please send your details as requested and after I deem you fit to be a trusted partner, I will further proof myself to you and arrange on how we can meet. Its 2:18 am here in Hong Kong, i have to go back to bed because of work in the morning.

Fridays are always very busy for us. Will reply you before i leave for work in the morning or during any of my coffee break at work. Let me have requested details if you are really interested and I reassure you will never regret this.

Have a blessed day.

Elton.

Exchanges with a scam artist, part seven (are you still there?)

From: Nico
To: Elton Lee
Subject: Re: Hello Nico (Your Response)

Mr. Lee, are you still wanting to do this transaction?

----

From: Elton Lee
To: Nico
Subject: Re: Hello Nico (Your Response)

Yes I am and if you are ready to execute this transaction with me, kindly get back to me with the requested details.

Regards, Elton Lee

----

From: Nico
To:  Elton Lee
Subject: Re: Hello Nico (Your Response)

Would it be more convenient for you if I came to Hong King?  Given the amount of money involved, I could probably arrange it.

Exchanges with a scam artist, part six

From: Nico
To: Elton Lee
Subject: Re: Hello Nico (Your Response

Mr. Lee,


You have neglected to answer the concerns I expressed in my previous message, such as your obvious use of a pseudonym instead of your real name and my request that you provide more specific contact information.  Obviously this is a trust game, and since you were the one brazen enough to contact me, I think it's more appropriate you give me your contact information before I give you mine.


I don't think it is clearly a "must" that we share these funds 50/50.  You contacted me; you asked for my help.  I want at least a 60 percent share of the net amount, after costs incurred.  If this is a game of chicken, understand that I fully intend to win: I led a happy life before you contacted me, and I'm content to return to that life if you are not willing to grant me a more generous share.  Besides, you indicated that there is an industry standard in transactions like this, which suggests that they are not uncommon.  Which means you will have other opportunities and thus don't need as big a chunk of the money.


Please let me know if you are willing to negotiate seriously and address my concerns.

Exchanges with a scam artist, part five

From: Elton Lee
To: Nico
Subject: Hello Nico (Your Response)

Dear Nico,

Thank you very much for your email and explainations, actually I have confidence in your capabilities to handle this transaction appropriately, this I would say is an advantage to both of us, honestly speaking I have no cause to doubt your intergrity,however I believe that our individual virtues would be confirmed as we move along with this business. You should also have trust in me as I will have in you otherwise what will be the point going further if we cannot establish some trust for each other. You being part of this transaction would only be at your free will I cannot impose this on you, it is your choice to accept or disagree with the principles and of this business or even with the transaction as a whole.I would indeed be overwhelmed meeting you in person, perhaps there are lots of other transactions we could have together apart from this, I have being in the fanancial sector for many years though I try as much as possible to diversify my interests by exploring new frontiers.

I want to know if you are willing to follow up this business seriously before I can give you more details about this transaction; however I shall be waiting for your response and assurance along with your full names and private contacts (ADDRESS, PHONE & FAX) just as they will appear on the documents to process the claims.Please do not betray my confidence. If we can be of one accord, we should act swiftly on this. Please get back to me immediately via this my private email.

Note: It is a must we share 50/50 because we are both going to put aside 5% of the total sum aside for cost incurred during the course of the transaction, i should be the one telling you not to be greed because i brought upthis business deal and i work directly with the bank invloved. So please follow my directives religously and stop making issuses out of nothing at this early stage. 

Regards, 

Elton Lee.

Exchanges with a scam artist, part four

From: Nico
To: Elton Lee
Subject: Re: Hello Nico (Your Response)


Mr. Lee,


On the subject of trustworthiness, you clearly have my name and I do not have yours.  I say this with some confidence as I believe someone with as English a name as "Elton Lee" would likely have a better command of the language.  Please be straightforward with me if you expect me to participate in this transaction.


Your letter did not adequately address my previous concern, which is that I want more than half the money.  I don't care what is "always done" in banking circles; you stand to make millions of dollars either way, so don't pass up this opportunity out of greed.


Maybe as a sign that you're committed to this, you should give me your contact details first?  I imagine you don't want me calling you at your HSBC office.


I await your reply.  This is clearly a lucrative opportunity for both of us.

Exchanges with a scam artist, part three (HE takes the bait)

From: Elton Lee
To: Nico
Subject: Hello Nico (Your Response)

Hello Nico,

Thank you so much for your response to my proposal. However, your interest to assist me was rather unspecific as a result of which I am quite skeptical in believing that you could be of assistance to me, therefore I would like to be sure of your willingness, trustworthiness and commitment to execute this transaction with me, I cannot afford to compromise these virtues considering the money involved, it is necessary for me to be sure of the person to whom I will be entrusting this transaction, my trust is not given out lightly. In 2003, Alfred (a businessman) who was our Client, made a fixed deposit of Twenty four million Five Hundred Thousand United State Dollars only in my branch, a number of notices were sent to him when it was due, but no response came from him till date. We later found out that Alfred along with his family had been killed in a bomb blast that hit their home, what bothers me most is according to the laws of my country at the expiration of 8 years the funds will revert to the Hong Kong Government if nobody comes for the funds, Against this scenery, I have all the information needed to claim these funds.

What I expect from you is trust and commitment, I want this large sum of money transferred with your assistance and you should have nothing to worry about regarding legality AT ALL. All that is required is your honest co-operation and I guarantee that this will be executed under a legitimate arrangement that will protect me and you from any breach of the law. Like I proposed; that since I have exclusive access to his file, you will be made the beneficiary of these funds. You do not have to have known him. I know this might be a bit heavy for you but please trust me on this. For all your troubles I propose that we split the money in half. In the banking circle this happens every time. Please accept my apologies, keep my confidence and disregard this email if you do not appreciate this proposal I have offered you. All confirmable documents to back up this fund shall be made available to you, as we move on; I shall let you know what is required of you. Your earliest response to this letter will be appreciated. I want to know if you are willing to follow up this business seriously before I can give you more details about this transaction; however I shall be waiting for your response and assurance along with your full names and private contacts (ADDRESS, PHONE & FAX) just as they will appear on the documents to process the claims.

Please do not betray my confidence. If we can be of one accord, we should act swiftly on this. Please get back to me immediately via this my private email.

Regards,
Elton Lee.

Exchanges with a scam artist, part two (I take the bait)

From: Nico
To: Elton Lee
Subject: Re: Hello Nico (Proposal)

Mr. Lee,
If I am to be next of kin I expect a much greater share than 50%.

Exchanges with a scam artist, part one

I received (another) e-mail the other day from one "Elton Lee," a banker who informed me that a potential relative of mine had passed away with no heir to claim his $24 million account.  Since I get really mad at people who try to steal from me, I decided to waste his time.  This and the following posts will catalogue our exchanges.

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From: Elton Lee
To: Nico
Subject: Hello Nico (Proposal)

Dear Nico,
I am Elton Lee, Head of Trade & Supply chain HSBC, Asia. A transfer of $24.5 million was deposited by our Late customers who died without declaring any next of kin before his death in 2003. My suggestion to you is to stand as the next of kin to Alfred, since you bear the same surname. We shall share in the ratio of 50% for me, 50% for you.
Elton Lee.

No title here

Gray light like an afternoon storm, but it's morning light.  My day is shot.

I read a poem that made me think of you.

How I've known you for longer than almost anyone.

How I don't know you at all.

How I can be with you and still feel

lonely.

Cityrise

The birdrise, she once called it.
I hear them regularly, cheerful warbles as I stumble up to my apartment after work,
them starting the day as I'm ending mine.
 The sky will soon go from black to a deep, rich blue.
But there are other rises in the city.  Here the sound of the morning
is a diesel engine idling as the sanitation workers join the birds
starting the day together.
A gentle roar rising in the distance as more cars take to the road.
Soon the sun will slip between the cracks in my blinds,
and I'll sleep the day away.

It's almost romantic.