Some countries are islands

Mexico is not an island. It has a massive northern border with the United States and a smaller southern border with Guatemala. Mexico has vibrant (if not healthy) trade relations with the U.S. thanks to NAFTA, and immigration from Mexico to the U.S. is the largest country-to-country immigration in the world. In fact, more Mexicans are living in other countries than are any other nationality. But sometimes you can still feel really alone here.

I don't write about my feelings based on the theory that nobody has the slightest interest in spending their time reading a website on which someone writes about his or her feelings. But as this blog is supposedly about frosting, cake, Mexico and me, I think in this case it applies.

I think there's a difference in attitude between year-long and semester-long BCA students. The semester students can't wait to get home. Some of them hate being here. Some of them talk eagerly of their upcoming returns to the United States. In contrast, the four year-long students love it here. We can't imagine ending our Mexican life in just two weeks. We're just getting started. Hell, we're still getting on our feet - how could we leave now? As such, I think homesickness has been more an issue for the short-termers, while we're more likely to just accept that we're building a life here.

I have not once felt homesick since I got to Mexico. Our BCA director at Manchester has this whole elaborate theory of the homesickness pattern, but I haven't found that it applies to me. Sure, I miss Manchester. Sometimes I get crazy and even miss Goshen (don't get me wrong, I love Goshen as a place - I just don't have much of a life there). But I never wish I weren't here, nor do I ever feel any pangs or longing to be somewhere else. No homesickness for me.

That is, until last night. I had an unpleasant conversation with my mom that left me feeling rather upset and alone. I couldn't talk to Dad, because he was really busy. I thought through my friends I felt I could talk to, and unfortunately several of them are, like me, in other countries and unreachable by phone. I tried a few friends in the U.S., but nobody picked up their phone. I was very, very alone. And it sucked.

I talked to Mom today, and things are looking up. Connection-wise, anyway. The fact remains that I literally have no money - an ATM stole my last $100 from the bank yesterday, and I have my doubts as to whether the bank is going to pay up. I'm getting back from BCA too late to secure a summer job, which means I'll be going into next year - renting an apartment and paying for food - completely broke. I hate money. I hate that a lack of it can threaten my plans - my ability to stay a second semester in Mexico, my ability to have an apartment next year. Going to annual conference is definitely out.

There is one bit of good news from last night, though. I stumbled across (okay, ruthlessly hunted down) this study. I'll quote the last paragraph for you: "These findings suggest that complete abstinence from alcohol during the acute and convalescent phases of viral hepatitis does not influence the final outcome of the disease in patients who are not chronic carriers. Moderate alcohol intake does not seem to be harmful."

Word.