The title of this post is a play on the title of a book by Peter Singer. If you already knew that, we might be compatible.
From time to time, Steve, Micah and I sit around our kitchen table with whiskey & coke (actually, Chill Cola, which is only $0.93/2 liter at Lance's) and have fantastic conversations. Last night, one of our topics was the nature of dating, and how our generation is stupid.
It's not possible to casually date these days, as is reflected on Facebook with the lack of anything between "single" and "in a relationship" (let's ignore "it's complicated" for the moment). One date, sure, but by the time you've gone out two or three times you've got a de facto relationship going, like it or not. Exclusivity is the norm and need not be explicitly established before it is expected.
This might be all well and good for high school, but it doesn't work out in college, and here's why: if dating is really meant to be a way of finding a life partner, dating exclusively is a great way to make sure you get it wrong. When you're buying a car, do you just test trive one model exclusively and then, based on that, decide whether or not you want that car? Well, maybe. But usually it's considered a more informed decision if you've spent some time with several and then gone with the one that really seemed to be best for you.
This isn't to boo-hiss exclusivity altogether, but shouldn't it take a while to get there? Otherwise, you're left with the immense pressure of trying to figure out whether the dating partner you're having a great time with is the "one and only" when you know nothing of what's out there on the field.
"Let's bring it back," said Micah of casual dating. I'm not sure Pirate House has that much authority over social dynamics, but maybe we should try. Otherwise, two of the three of us will probably be divorced by the time we're 35.
1 comment:
Good thoughts. Dating is "complicated" no matter when you do it. It seems easier in high school to play the field because you all know each other (sort of) or at least come from the same town. But when college comes along, the horizon expands and then the real jitters of dating come into play.
My thoughts are that even though dating is meant to find your "life partner", college should be for fun. There's nothing wrong with casual dating at this point. However, towards the end of college and the beginning of adulthood, things will change ... people will be harder to meet, etc. But for now, have fun. That's what college is all about.
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